Or better yet, they'd drink a fifth!

Why?

Because the fifth spot in the rotation is about to deep six them. It's about to sink them for good. At no other place on the roster has the contribution been so pathetic and lame.

Should the stumbling Reds continue their downward spiral and fail to make the postseason, the ineptitude shown by those hurling out of the fifth slot will be a big reason why. If you're playing the blame game, put them at the head of the list.

The tail end of the starting staff  has proven to be a vast black hole where wins can't be had and pitiful pitching performances abound. It's been nothing but crapsville.

There are now three givens in life. Death, taxes and the certitude that Cincy will lose whenever starter number five takes the hill.

Who can remember the last time the Reds walked away winners when they used the rear guard of their starters. It's been a while. Like maybe since the Reagan administration.

At this rate, the Reds will probably have someone pitch back-to-back no-hitters ala Johnny Van der Meer before anyone out of the five slot can chalk up a victory.

You can take this to the bank. Bet the farm and anything else you can wager. Every fifth day, the Cincy starter will get lit, the game probably won't be competitive and the Reds will fall flat on their collective face.

Like the sun rising in the East, it's guaranteed that the fifth starter will get racked before he gets out of the fifth inning if he even gets that far. Jerry Narron would faint from shock if ever his number five arm actually kept his team in the game and battled into the late frames.

But miracles like that only happen in the movies or once in a millennium. The Reds can expect no such luck. They're holding a losing hand if ever there was one.

For Cincinnati, five has been nothing but jive.

It has scarcely mattered who's occupied that place in the rotation. They've all been battered. From the ineffectual Brandon Claussen, to the forgettable Joe Mays, to the overmatched Chris Michalak who's quickly shown why he's been a career journeyman.

To be honest, you see better pitching coming out of the Little League World Series. Hey, do you think the new champs from Georgia might be willing to part with one of their starters?

It wouldn't hurt. And they couldn't do any worse. Come on Wayne Krivsky, see if one of them might be available.

O.K., so if Krivsky can't get one the youngsters from GA., what can be done?

If the Reds just sit idly by and do nothing to stop this profuse bleeding, then they'll deserve whatever misfortune befalls them.

This grotesque masochism must come to an end. If it doesn't, the Reds are done. With the number of games dwindling down to a precious few, the status quo just won't do. They can no longer afford to literally keep throwing games away.

 It's time for radical and bold action.

As this reporter sees it, only two alternatives provide any sort of hope. Any other option would be tantamount to putting a Band-Aid on a gushing wound. Trying half measures at this stage will surely insure the Reds' demise.

Without a daring move, Cincy seems destined to die a certain death.

Option number one is something that would require guts and resolve. No doubt  there would be an element of risk if the Reds were to implement it. It would leave the club vulnerable to criticism should any injury result because of this rather audacious move.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

In a nutshell, the Reds should go to a four-man rotation, thereby eliminating the weak link that has been dragging them down.

With only one month to go in the regular season, it's possible that Aaron Harang, Bronson Arroyo, Eric Milton and Kyle Lohse could operate on three days rest without suffering any ill effects.

Sure, there might be a temporary fatigue factor but even that might work in the Reds favor. Many pitchers will tell you that when their arm is a bit tired, their motion gets more fluid and the movement on their pitches actually increases. Slightly weary arms are not always a bad thing.

Moreover, because the Reds now have an abundance of relief help, the starters wouldn't have to go as long if asked to form a four-man crew. The bullpen is more than capable of picking up the slack that would be created by dropping the fifth starter.

Another factor to consider is that ultra competitive guys like Harang and Arroyo might actually thrive in such an environment. Asked to take on more responsibility and given even more impact on the pennant chase, Harang and Arroyo more than likely would rise to the occasion.

Who knows? It might even take their game to a new level.

By any honest appraisal, going with four starters would be a vast improvement over staying with the current five. It would be a classic case of addition by subtraction.

The only other recourse that makes any sense is to turn to the

most dynamic hurler the Reds have in their entire organization. Perhaps the time has come to break the cellophane on the exciting young gunslinger from Texas.

Homer Bailey, come on down!

The circumstances are such that this indeed might be the moment to introduce the hard-throwing righthander to the big leagues.

Bailey has been absolutely brilliant at Double-A. Equipped with a heater from on high, the 6-4, 205-pounder has been virtually unhittable while posting a 7-0 record and a microscopic 1.06 ERA.  There's nothing left for him to prove at Chattanooga.

With the Reds struggling mightily just to stay afloat, it's not all that farfetched to think that Bailey could possibly be a lifesaver who helps rescue a floundering team. Stranger things have happened.

Yes, we're fully aware of the Reds' concerns of perhaps rushing him too soon but if anybody's worth a look, it's Bailey.

Besides, it's not like Cincy has never taken a flyer on a hotshot pitcher before.

Gary Nolan enjoyed instantaneous success as an 18-year-old in the mid-60's while wunderkind Don Gullett made a huge impact in 1970 at the tender age of 19. So it has been done.

Bailey is 20, mature beyond his years and seems ready to roll.

The Reds' organization has to stop focusing on the possible negatives that might occur if they bring him up. Instead, counsel him wisely, monitor his pitch count and simply turn the kid loose. Put another way, just give Homer the damn ball!

In addition, to all his ability and potential, Bailey's arrival would create a buzz and a considerable anticipation that might help shake the Reds from their current lethargy. Bailey has genuine star power and his presence could conceivably jump start the club and help lift its' sprits.

Plugging Bailey into that fifth slot is far more preferable than  what's going on right now. Short of downsizing the rotation to four, summoning Bailey offers the best chance to get that quick fix the Reds so desperately need.

Regardless of what they do, the Reds must act decisively before it's too late.

But, if they don't and should foolishly stand pat, the five spot will greatly accelerate their undoing.

Then everyone, the team and fans alike, will need to down a fifth to numb the pain.